oscarwomyn

My first Week

2007-03-10T07:39:09Z

I have made it through my first week at my new job and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am going to kick some serious ass!!!!!
Being a teller is going to bore my ass off...I havent even started and I am already bored. HOWEVER what makes me excited is knowing that there are opportunities to move into other positions if you have the drive. I have always been a very driven person...I will just use it for good rather than evil this time around. :o) I have wasted too much of my time and talents over the years. That is what addiction and depression unchecked can do to ones life. I am making up for lost time.
There is sooo much on my mind right now that I can't even begin to decide what to write about. Instead, I am going onto my new jobs employee website to study and go over what I learned (already knew most of it surprisingly) to make sure I am ready for next week. This week was more of a "get you comfortable with what you know and get comfy with your branch week" Next week is "You're our bitches. Are you ready for it?" week. I am a bitch who can take any bitch on. BRING IT ON!!!!!!

First Day

2007-03-10T07:29:04Z

Tommorow I start the first day of my new job.
It is not a glamorous one but it is a job that means a lot to me. It is the beginining of the rest of my life. I start as a teller and educate myself and get training for other positions. By this time next year, I won't be a teller. And I will have a position at the bank that pays me more than I ever imagined I could get.
I am nervous cause I don't know what to expect. What I do know is what i expect of myself. I need to lower my standards for myself cause they are VERY high right now.

Garbage

2007-02-26T08:58:02Z

Get home to the usual chaos as no one seems to understand "Clean up after yourself." "Do your dishes" or "Throw out your garbage." Instead I come home to an apartment that looks like a garbage dump. But what else is new. It always seems to look like this. I just sound like a broken record when I bitch about this. Can't wait to be working days so that life will settle down around here and I can be home at night to make sure things are done. I would leave it for them to clean in morning but my apartment smells funny and I would hate to see this in the morning. So instead of going to bed, I will clean up the garbage...How hard is it really to put a damn banana peel in the bloody garbage instead of being dropped in middle of the floor?
Tomorrow should be good. Day 2 of period (my worst day of cycle) and working an8 hr. On the bright side, I will have a cover on with me. Mondays are bizarrely busy.

So Right about Grey

2007-02-25T07:39:22Z

I should be a script writer. I was watching my drug of choice.."Greys Anatomy" and pretty much got the whole storyline right. Not that it takes brains to figure that stuff out. Just follow the previous scripts and have some common sense. I had people telling me there were surprises in the show. No surprises but one for me. The rest was as I expected.

What I didn't expect was all the crying I did. Over a t.v. show??? Actually, it wasn't really the show that had me crying. It was my thoughts about loving another person...not including family. I know that it is just a show but to get so sucked in to the unreality, to watch and feel the varying degrees of love and vulnerability of the characters had me thinking about how I show and don't show my love to the significant other in my life and how I love him but can't give him all of me.

Life is just too short to not tell the people who mean something to me how I feel. Hell, life is just too short to not be REAL in all aspects of my life. Maybe trying to live this way is why some people find me abrassive or kind of crazy. I lost a close friend a few years ago. I had many "if only" moments. If only I had told him my concerns about his addictions, if only I had told him I was concerned about his depression, if only I had just told him what I was really feeling and thinking about stuff when it came to him. He killed himself. I can't go back on any time before his suicide. I don't feel bad anymore about everything I could have said and done differently with him. What I do know is to live my life to its fullest and tell people how I feel...I do try to be somewhat gentle in my opinions most of the time.

What it all comes down to tonight is that I will call my boyfriend, the love of my life, and tell him how much I love him, miss him, and what I want from this relationship. Take it or leave it. Whatever the outcome, I will feel better for opening myself up to him and all my feelings. If he were to die tomorrow while diving, I would like his last thoughts of me to be loving. I would want him to know without a shadow of a doubt how I feel about him.

This thought goes to all those I love and consider important to me in my life.

Namaste

Something so simple

2007-02-24T08:38:57Z

This is the first time I have ever joined something like live journal. How hard can it be to type my thoughts, feelings, reflections etc.
on a web page?...Apparently it is proving to be more difficult than I thought. Picking layout, colours, writing a profile is making
my head spin. Could also be that I have had a long day and have no patience to work on this. Oh well. Tommorow will be a better day....It's my day off. ;o)